Good girl at heart.

How do you change when bad is all you know?
It sickens me to say I ended up in bed with Carl the cute American last night. He called around 7pm and told me he was on his way to get me. TOLD not asked. I didn’t question it tho just sorted my hair and put on a little perfume thinking this was the perfect opportunity to confront him about his girlfriend back home.
I got in the car and sat quietly till we got to his house, he had just finished work and said he needed to shower so I bit my tongue a little longer and waited. When he came down the stairs in nothing but a towel and a smile I forgot completely what I had been pumping myself up to say at the sight of his perfectly formed body. Needles to say this is where I forgot myself and the little devil on my shoulder agreed having sex right then and there was the best option.
I never did ask about the possible girlfriend back home and am now kicking myself for being so weak. Even if he did look hot, not even a little bit like really hot.
I would ask in a message but I think face to face is always better so you can read there poker face. Time maybe I grow some balls and just ask what is going on?
I’m not a bad person, but I have a tendency to get lost in the situation at hand and I will admit when I saw him I didn’t care about this other girl. Shame on me but that’s the truth. Which means my heartache is my own fault.
Even worse, one of my ex’s Darren was on the phone the other night crying, I still care about him and know he has a lot of personal problems right now so invited him over to talk. We talked for hours before he announced he still has feelings for me. We kissed, then talked some more before he took my hand and walked towards my bedroom. Yeah you know what I’m gonna say so I won’t spell it out for you. At the time I was broken by discovering Carl had a girlfriend back in the states and I was taken by Darren’s words.
Like any other person I do like the attention but deep down I have never felt so alone. To the point where I tried to call an old friend, we stopped talking back in May over some childish stuff (my call was rejected). I sent her a message and told her how I missed her and haven’t heard anything back and probably won’t. She’s pretty stubborn like that.
So every things a bit poo right now but I have promised myself to get myself in check. You can’t keep a good girl down for long, slight shift of attitude and all will be good.