How do you change when bad is all you know?
It sickens me to say I ended up in bed with Carl the cute American last night. He called around 7pm and told me he was on his way to get me. TOLD not asked. I didn’t question it tho just sorted my hair and put on a little perfume thinking this was the perfect opportunity to confront him about his girlfriend back home.
I got in the car and sat quietly till we got to his house, he had just finished work and said he needed to shower so I bit my tongue a little longer and waited. When he came down the stairs in nothing but a towel and a smile I forgot completely what I had been pumping myself up to say at the sight of his perfectly formed body. Needles to say this is where I forgot myself and the little devil on my shoulder agreed having sex right then and there was the best option.
I never did ask about the possible girlfriend back home and am now kicking myself for being so weak. Even if he did look hot, not even a little bit like really hot.
I would ask in a message but I think face to face is always better so you can read there poker face. Time maybe I grow some balls and just ask what is going on?
I’m not a bad person, but I have a tendency to get lost in the situation at hand and I will admit when I saw him I didn’t care about this other girl. Shame on me but that’s the truth. Which means my heartache is my own fault.
Even worse, one of my ex’s Darren was on the phone the other night crying, I still care about him and know he has a lot of personal problems right now so invited him over to talk. We talked for hours before he announced he still has feelings for me. We kissed, then talked some more before he took my hand and walked towards my bedroom. Yeah you know what I’m gonna say so I won’t spell it out for you. At the time I was broken by discovering Carl had a girlfriend back in the states and I was taken by Darren’s words.
Like any other person I do like the attention but deep down I have never felt so alone. To the point where I tried to call an old friend, we stopped talking back in May over some childish stuff (my call was rejected). I sent her a message and told her how I missed her and haven’t heard anything back and probably won’t. She’s pretty stubborn like that.
So every things a bit poo right now but I have promised myself to get myself in check. You can’t keep a good girl down for long, slight shift of attitude and all will be good.
Wednesday, 26 October 2011
Saturday, 22 October 2011
Freinds with benefits
First things first, situation update.
I decided the ex wasn’t even worth thinking about on the basis that I felt I might actually be falling for Carl (cute American) but as it turns out all I am to him is someone to keep his bed warm till he see’s his girlfriend back in the states. Carl will now be referred to as ‘the arse’.
Friends with benefits.
Do they work and are they a good idea?
Honestly, no.
I for one have been in this situation time and time again. In my late teens the last thing I wanted was a relationship so found this to be very useful for me. Life of the single girl but still having someone there when I needed a little attention. Great, for a short while. Then without a shadow of a doubt one of the two start developing feelings. Normally the girls before the guys, and life is not a movie! I don’t care how many times you see it in the cinema now but starting a relationship this way will not lead to love! No matter how many times I wished it could have.
Don’t get me wrong they are very exciting and enjoyable at the time and I doubt I’ll stop making these special friends but take my advice if you decide to try it for yourself or you have and found they always go bad, leave as soon as you feel anything out of the ordinary in the stomach or heart area. If you are the one who ends up having to break it of to stop things going sour stop sharing your bed as soon as the kiss lingers just that little to long. Biggest give away that things could be changing, I know done it a few times myself.
Casual sex relationships however, can work.
I’ve been having sex with the same guy on and off for 2 and a half years now (never while dating someone) and its great. Sex is amazing, he’s hot and no I don’t want him apart from when I’m feeling frisky. Why does it work? Because we are NOT friends. When we do talk it is only to say are you free? That’s it.
I know a few people are probably going to read this and think I’m giving some horrible advice and corrupting the younger generation. That would be correct if you are younger than 18 (Sex is great kids I won’t lie to you, but you have your whole life to experience it don’t loose your innocence to soon.) and yes sex is always better when your in love and sharing all that happy stuff that right now thanks to ‘the arse’ is making my stomach turn….grrrr arse!
Done in the right manner it can work so no one gets there heart broken and you can be free to enjoy the one thing we all crave BUT it is rare. Be careful my friends.
P.s Always use a condom when being this promiscuous!!!
Much love xxx
Emily
I decided the ex wasn’t even worth thinking about on the basis that I felt I might actually be falling for Carl (cute American) but as it turns out all I am to him is someone to keep his bed warm till he see’s his girlfriend back in the states. Carl will now be referred to as ‘the arse’.
Friends with benefits.
Do they work and are they a good idea?
Honestly, no.
I for one have been in this situation time and time again. In my late teens the last thing I wanted was a relationship so found this to be very useful for me. Life of the single girl but still having someone there when I needed a little attention. Great, for a short while. Then without a shadow of a doubt one of the two start developing feelings. Normally the girls before the guys, and life is not a movie! I don’t care how many times you see it in the cinema now but starting a relationship this way will not lead to love! No matter how many times I wished it could have.
Don’t get me wrong they are very exciting and enjoyable at the time and I doubt I’ll stop making these special friends but take my advice if you decide to try it for yourself or you have and found they always go bad, leave as soon as you feel anything out of the ordinary in the stomach or heart area. If you are the one who ends up having to break it of to stop things going sour stop sharing your bed as soon as the kiss lingers just that little to long. Biggest give away that things could be changing, I know done it a few times myself.
Casual sex relationships however, can work.
I’ve been having sex with the same guy on and off for 2 and a half years now (never while dating someone) and its great. Sex is amazing, he’s hot and no I don’t want him apart from when I’m feeling frisky. Why does it work? Because we are NOT friends. When we do talk it is only to say are you free? That’s it.
I know a few people are probably going to read this and think I’m giving some horrible advice and corrupting the younger generation. That would be correct if you are younger than 18 (Sex is great kids I won’t lie to you, but you have your whole life to experience it don’t loose your innocence to soon.) and yes sex is always better when your in love and sharing all that happy stuff that right now thanks to ‘the arse’ is making my stomach turn….grrrr arse!
Done in the right manner it can work so no one gets there heart broken and you can be free to enjoy the one thing we all crave BUT it is rare. Be careful my friends.
P.s Always use a condom when being this promiscuous!!!
Much love xxx
Emily
Thursday, 20 October 2011
love vs lust
“The most violent appetites in all creatures are lust and hunger; the first is a perpetual call upon them to propagate their kind, the latter to preserve themselves.”-Joseph Addison
“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” Unknown.
Through all the pain i’ve created control
a world of my own where i choose my role
many who enter, leave out a black hole
they have no place here, no real goal.
In my own world, i’m out of harms way
free to live my life, day by day
no need to care, feelings kept at bay
i am happy, come what may.
This is just my disguise, a golden shield
i long to play the game on that battlefield
my heart is as always, longing to yield
before you i am silent, my heart steeled.
But you don’t speak, so i don’t move
My dignity i keep, my passion i remove
i will try again with another whom i approve
one day i’ll get it right till then i don’t move.
Through all the pain i’ve created control
a world of my own where i choose my role
many who enter, leave out a black hole
they have no place here, no real goal.
Emily Sunday.
The difference between love and lust?
Our attitude towards ourselfs and others. You can change it but it takes alot of time and effort. Something i’m still trying to work on myself. Which brings me to my next subject, friends with benifits (oooh la la)……watch this space.
Tuesday, 18 October 2011
Case of the ex.
Can relationships work the second time round?
They haven’t for me this far no matter how hard I’ve tried. Love is easy to find in many places with many people but that doesn’t mean every time your heart skips a beat that you’ve found the one. Sometimes love isn’t enough.
When I look back on my past relationships I can honestly say that I fell in love with some of the guys I’ve dated but each time in a different way. I guess that’s why the road to finding the one is so hard. How do you know when love is not just a light switch, more like the sun, where no matter how far it may seem it is in fact all around you.
So back to the ex’s. Why do we always have to re-think the break up? We made that decision based on our feelings for that person so why the need to change? Maybe once the dust settles we revert back to how we felt before the relationship began. That my friends does not mean things will change! Sure it will be good for a while probably even better than before but that’s only short lived. Never forget, you broke up for a reason and that will come back given time. Days, weeks, maybe even months but it will.
Still thinking about it tho aren’t you? Its only human don’t feel bad, hell, I’m doing it right now.
My ex decided to get in touch this morning just to say sorry for everything that went wrong in our relationship. It wasn’t awful, he is defiantly one of the good guys. I just didn’t see it going anywhere and yet I’m still sat here thinking what if. What if I just didn’t give it enough time? What if I had made more of an effort? What if he was better in bed? This is dangerous friends. Your instincts are normally right, unless your paranoid about everything your judgement is 6 times out of 10 right. 6 because no ones perfect, not even me.
The last time I did try for a second round was with a guy called Drew. I was not in love with this guy but we did have this special connection that was exciting. He made me laugh,smile and he knew exactly how to turn me on. What more does a girl need (see guys, we girls are not the hard to please). I would have done anything for him that he asked. Even tho he made me cry on more than one occasion I just couldn’t keep away. This relationship ended when he decided he felt the same way, for a friend of mine. We still stayed in contact tho and even in bed together behind this girls back. I’m no hoe I honestly could not say no to Drew, no matter how much I wanted to. Eventually we ended up back together but only because he saw an opportunity to clear out my bank on top of my dignity. shame on me.
Now not all second chances end with such misfortune but they do hurt just as much the second time as they do the first.
I guess what I’m trying to say is if you do decide to give that someone one more try just don’t forget it ended for a reason and no matter how hard you try it will arise again. I will be taking this advice myself and will keep you posted on the dreaded ex.
Much love x
They haven’t for me this far no matter how hard I’ve tried. Love is easy to find in many places with many people but that doesn’t mean every time your heart skips a beat that you’ve found the one. Sometimes love isn’t enough.
When I look back on my past relationships I can honestly say that I fell in love with some of the guys I’ve dated but each time in a different way. I guess that’s why the road to finding the one is so hard. How do you know when love is not just a light switch, more like the sun, where no matter how far it may seem it is in fact all around you.
So back to the ex’s. Why do we always have to re-think the break up? We made that decision based on our feelings for that person so why the need to change? Maybe once the dust settles we revert back to how we felt before the relationship began. That my friends does not mean things will change! Sure it will be good for a while probably even better than before but that’s only short lived. Never forget, you broke up for a reason and that will come back given time. Days, weeks, maybe even months but it will.
Still thinking about it tho aren’t you? Its only human don’t feel bad, hell, I’m doing it right now.
My ex decided to get in touch this morning just to say sorry for everything that went wrong in our relationship. It wasn’t awful, he is defiantly one of the good guys. I just didn’t see it going anywhere and yet I’m still sat here thinking what if. What if I just didn’t give it enough time? What if I had made more of an effort? What if he was better in bed? This is dangerous friends. Your instincts are normally right, unless your paranoid about everything your judgement is 6 times out of 10 right. 6 because no ones perfect, not even me.
The last time I did try for a second round was with a guy called Drew. I was not in love with this guy but we did have this special connection that was exciting. He made me laugh,smile and he knew exactly how to turn me on. What more does a girl need (see guys, we girls are not the hard to please). I would have done anything for him that he asked. Even tho he made me cry on more than one occasion I just couldn’t keep away. This relationship ended when he decided he felt the same way, for a friend of mine. We still stayed in contact tho and even in bed together behind this girls back. I’m no hoe I honestly could not say no to Drew, no matter how much I wanted to. Eventually we ended up back together but only because he saw an opportunity to clear out my bank on top of my dignity. shame on me.
Now not all second chances end with such misfortune but they do hurt just as much the second time as they do the first.
I guess what I’m trying to say is if you do decide to give that someone one more try just don’t forget it ended for a reason and no matter how hard you try it will arise again. I will be taking this advice myself and will keep you posted on the dreaded ex.
Much love x
Just the begining.
I don’t want to have anyone thinking i’m some sort of emo kid because of my screen name. Not that there is anything wrong with that, it’s just not me. In a way it is me feeling sorry for myself i suppose but only through the torment that men have put me through. Yes this will be one of ‘those’ blogs if you don’t like that, feel free to leave now.
Do i have your attention? Good, lets begin.
Now i won’t bore you with to many intermate details about my past, i’m just like any other woman. I’ve had my heart broken more times then i dare to count, i’ve been beaten by boyfriends and my father, i’ve been raped, i’ve been cheated on…. blah blah blah. This does not make me a man hater, i happen to get along better with men than women, but when i get involved with someone i have a tendancy to put on my rose tinted glasses and put up with far more than any individual should. Unless of course your one of the good guys, then i bearly notice you exist. After many talks with my girlfriends it seems it’s not just me, sorry guys, i wish i could explain this to you but i can’t. It makes as much sense to us females as it does you, trust me!
A few years back i use to date my now best friend. He always had something nice to say, flowers (just because), would watch my programs on the t.v and never once complained he was missing some sport event or any other crap he liked. Only problem, me. As soon as we got involved i lost interest. I guess now i think about it, it wasn’t all that exciting once we were together.
Bad boys are exciting. That doesn’t really need any more explanation really, i will of course. Not that cruel to you.
Currently seeing a guy, cute American (oh i’m British incase you didn’t know) he is perfect! First date i fell in lust. If i could have sat down and created my perfect man, he would still come second to the cute american a.k.a Carl. We’ve been seeing each other for a few months and things have started getting hot, well untill he dropped the ‘f’ bomb on me. “i’m not sure where i am right now, is it cool if we stay as friends for now?” I won’t lie i felt crushed but smiled sweetly and said yes of course, not wanting to loose this guy from my life so soon after finding him. Stupid i know, but i never said i was smart,ok. Anyway, nothing really changed after this, we are still hanging out, the same. Keeping things steamy, the same. So is pretty clear the dude is having his cake and eating it to, any normal person would leave right or stamp there feet in protest? Wrong!!! No girl or guy for that matter, in there right mind would walk away just like that, disagree and you haven’t been where i am now, simple as that.
So now i’m stuck becuase i really like this dude and i’m curious to know if anything could happen. It just makes me mad when i think of all the nice guys i put to one side for the sake of following some guy round like his pet dog, which wouldn’t be so bad if i just had a little more attention. Throw the dog a bone ok!
Right now, i could say a million cliches to make myself or you feel better about the whole battle of the sexes but i ain’t that chessey. This is one of those journeys i’ve only just started and i’m inviting you along to share it with me.
Untill next time guys and dolls. x
Do i have your attention? Good, lets begin.
Now i won’t bore you with to many intermate details about my past, i’m just like any other woman. I’ve had my heart broken more times then i dare to count, i’ve been beaten by boyfriends and my father, i’ve been raped, i’ve been cheated on…. blah blah blah. This does not make me a man hater, i happen to get along better with men than women, but when i get involved with someone i have a tendancy to put on my rose tinted glasses and put up with far more than any individual should. Unless of course your one of the good guys, then i bearly notice you exist. After many talks with my girlfriends it seems it’s not just me, sorry guys, i wish i could explain this to you but i can’t. It makes as much sense to us females as it does you, trust me!
A few years back i use to date my now best friend. He always had something nice to say, flowers (just because), would watch my programs on the t.v and never once complained he was missing some sport event or any other crap he liked. Only problem, me. As soon as we got involved i lost interest. I guess now i think about it, it wasn’t all that exciting once we were together.
Bad boys are exciting. That doesn’t really need any more explanation really, i will of course. Not that cruel to you.
Currently seeing a guy, cute American (oh i’m British incase you didn’t know) he is perfect! First date i fell in lust. If i could have sat down and created my perfect man, he would still come second to the cute american a.k.a Carl. We’ve been seeing each other for a few months and things have started getting hot, well untill he dropped the ‘f’ bomb on me. “i’m not sure where i am right now, is it cool if we stay as friends for now?” I won’t lie i felt crushed but smiled sweetly and said yes of course, not wanting to loose this guy from my life so soon after finding him. Stupid i know, but i never said i was smart,ok. Anyway, nothing really changed after this, we are still hanging out, the same. Keeping things steamy, the same. So is pretty clear the dude is having his cake and eating it to, any normal person would leave right or stamp there feet in protest? Wrong!!! No girl or guy for that matter, in there right mind would walk away just like that, disagree and you haven’t been where i am now, simple as that.
So now i’m stuck becuase i really like this dude and i’m curious to know if anything could happen. It just makes me mad when i think of all the nice guys i put to one side for the sake of following some guy round like his pet dog, which wouldn’t be so bad if i just had a little more attention. Throw the dog a bone ok!
Right now, i could say a million cliches to make myself or you feel better about the whole battle of the sexes but i ain’t that chessey. This is one of those journeys i’ve only just started and i’m inviting you along to share it with me.
Untill next time guys and dolls. x
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